Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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