You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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