SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
