i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
