i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
