K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
