You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
