ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
