God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
