so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
it glows. i had to have it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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