Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
