Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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