i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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