There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
