smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
