She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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