awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
