Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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