yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
false alarm, still single
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
