turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
