Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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