she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
