Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
