its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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