two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've blown a few things in my day
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
