I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
