Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
