Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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