Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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