Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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