You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
