Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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