u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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