giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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