this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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