So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum