Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why