I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.