I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
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Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV