my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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