my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
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Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
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He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.