literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless