That's intense
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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