Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
