I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Success! We fucked roommates!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
