i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We're too hungover to prance.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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