If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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