i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
