Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
