I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
