i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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