He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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