I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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