Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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