Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I could fuck to npr.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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