I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think my vagina is haunted
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
