Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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