I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
