So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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