This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
