So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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