ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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