$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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