She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
