The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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