brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
