That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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