It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
