Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
