Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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