I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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