and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Don't make out with my wife yet
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
