She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
