Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
