I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
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Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
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THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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