I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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