you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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