Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
