i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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