i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
