I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
