After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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